Does ‘Sweet Talk’ make a difference?

Mahwish became ‘Momo’ when she was 2 years  old in parental love. Momo befell and became  ‘Mitho’ by her teen love when she was 19, in  affection to her habitual self obsessiveness. Momo  turned into ‘Meme’ out of baby talk at the age of  21 as the nephew first called her name. Now, her  inmates introduce her as “Meme, Momo,  Mahwish whatever you wish to call her!” out of  sarcasm for a name of multigenerational fusion.

Whether its nicknames given to you by parents, couple’s using personal idioms, phrases used by friends that have peculiar color of intimacy and affection or sometimes it’s just a funny face. “A term of endearment is a word or phrase used to address and/or describe a person or animal for which the speaker feels love or affection. Terms of endearment are used for a variety of reasons, such as parents addressing their children and lovers addressing each other”. (Wikipedia)

The usage of terms of endearment is known to measure the direction (positive vs. negative) and potency (deep vs. distant) of a relationship.  Studies in linguistic sciences (1) and communication studies (2) have shown that the right use of words elevate both giver and receiver, heal damaged relationships, lift up and help relations grow. And communication which shows special adaptation to others is more likely to increase the intimacy level in the connection.

To assess the role of such terms and expressions as a social component in family and relationships many factors influence and need to be taken in account.

Language in use, is most crucial to the ethnic/cultural identity of a relation. Certain cultures and regional languages were always known to be more passionate and verbally expressive. As it’s a famous proverb by an anonymous writer that if French is the language of love, what better language is there with which to express your love? While, other cultures believed in a more subtle way of making their feelings known. In such cultures, predominantly tribal, open verbal acceptance of feelings of love was considered somewhat undignified. As a pakhtoon tribal father finds it against his patriarchal integrity to have talk compassionately in public with his daughter.

A recent interesting publication (3) shows how language is used to create a distinct family culture and identity. It deeply evaluates the conversations of two families, demonstrating how repeated patterns of language, pitch, accent and reciprocal uses of terms of endearment build these families as distinctive social groups. For example, a parent always uses a particular word when instructing her child not to talk during bedtime. A husband echoes back words that his wife said to him hours before as a way of teasing her. The book explains though frameworks how small efforts of endearments make a grander impact on the family culture and identity.

The longevity and depth in understanding of a relation can be evaluated by the use of these terms. For instance in marital and love relations “Partner” sounds more business like, “lover” stresses sex, and “significant other” might be counted insulting. Aside from husband and wife, “spouse” and “companion” are both traditionally used. A rarely heard term refers to the beloved as one’s “other half,” or “better half” can express most graciousness on accord of the love partner.

In the field of close relationships, much better understanding of social cognition and of interpersonal processes can be achieved in perspective of the interdependence theory.  Social interdependence exists when the outcomes of individuals are affected by each other’s actions (4). Since its formulation, the theory has been further extended and widely applied in education and business sectors especially in its capacities of cooperative and competitive merits.

Johnson & Johnson 2002

The positive track of the theory as illustrated above, suggests that the actions of individuals promote the achievement of joint goals. Thus, it’s suggestive that sweet talk and stories that encapsulate or defuse negativity, such as evidence of an intimate’s faults, masks feelings of uncertainty produced by the presence of negativity; boosts confidence; and acts as motivated construal in service of a need for felt security in relationships (5). For instance, when a husband gets close to his wife and whispers those sweet words of love in her ear, whispering something about their private love life in the middle of a public place and watches her blush. Such gestures makes her feel secure in his love without worrying if he will still love her from day to day.

A twist in evaluation to the socio-cultural context of endearment has been brought by today’s global culture. It does not matter which language or culture one belongs to. People are by and large more expressive. Even in purely spiritual relationships like a mom or an elder brother, to us all texting heart-symbols is a common practice. Friends regardless of gender boundaries say “love you loads” to each other. In an era when youth-orientated social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, etc. are important venues for socializing and identity expression. Once offensive words are regularly used in contexts where they are considered terms of endearment, for example friends calling each other motherfucker (6) are not intended to offend. This global culture has created some confusion on the front of expressing fondness. For example, the slang term “nigga” is used by and among Blacks usually as a term of affection or endearment that developed as a way for Blacks to claim the word “nigger” to convey affection rather than hatred. The word is increasingly being used among non-Blacks in a similar manner, especially young people. Yet, the word can also be used offensively in the same manner as “nigger” by Blacks and non-Blacks alike. New words are continuously being derived to eradicate such confusing misunderstandings. As “Nispnaic” is a term of respect and mutual acceptance or in recognition of being raised and growing up in the same neighborhood as childhood friends used for inter-racial child of Negro and Hispanic parents.

Thus as logic draws, the terms used to express friendliness and warmth might evolve over centuries but the purpose of expressing endearment is to promote positive feelings like strength, intimacy and security in relationships remains the same; whether it is blood ties or loved ones. This purpose has long been acknowledged and promoted by ancient religions and the message ought to be remembered & passed on.

“Kind words are a mark of faith, and whoever is not kind has no faith.” (Sahi Muslim)

“One who talks sweet does not have an enemy and is blessed with plentiful of wealth and good fortune”.  (Rig Veda)

Work Cited

1. Dickey, Eleanor. “Forms of Address and Terms of Reference”. Journal of Linguistics 33.2 (1997): 255-274. Print.
2. Hopper, Robert; Knapp, Mark; Scott, Lorel. “Couples’Personal Idioms: Exploring Intimate Talk”. Journal of Communication 31.1 (1981): 23–33. Print.
3. Gordon, Cynthia. “All Right My Love?” “All Right My Dove”. Making Meanings, Creating Family 51(2009): 26-76. Print.
4. Johnson, David; Johnson, Rodger. “Cooperative Learning and Social Interdependence Theory”. Social Psychological Applications to Social Issues 4 (2002): 9-35. Print.
5. Holmes, John G.  “Social relationships: the nature and function of relational schemas”. European Journal of Social Psychology 30.4 (2000): 447–495. Print.
6. Jay, T. Cursing in America: A psycholinguistic study of dirty language in the courts, in the movies, in the schoolyards and on the streets. Amsterdam: John Benjamins.1992.